Crap!

I'm gonna make this quick:

My mom had her women trouble and then yesterday she had her surgery and now she is in pain and can't sleep and can't walk, it just hurt to see her suffering from all these.

I am busy all day and hope to write something in deep thought soon.

Peace,
Jon

The worst thing ever!!!

I was about to sleep but then my mom called, she was asking me to meet her at the ground floor of the appartment building. I knew that she was in Hong Kong today for a doctor's appointment and I thought she left already. She look totally bad and I can see that she had been crying for a while from her eyes.

This is the worst part, she probably drank a lot tonight and then cried a lot too. When she saw me, she hold me really tight and then cried, I think she has the cancer thing, the one only women have, and it might be the bad tumor. That means she is going to have operation and even chemo therapy, I know nothing about this but this really freak me out.

The health condition of my mom is really bad and she had been sick all the time for years. She pretend she looks great and fine but the fact is she had collapse in the street once without telling people but then another day she was drunk and called me and tell me all these.

It was hurting me to see her crying and being sad and I wish I know I can do something.

My life is indeed pathetic....

Are you alright? ..... Do you have someone to hug and kiss you?

Emm... I don't know if anyone of you here do watch the FOX TV show HOUSE, it's one of my favorites and I always love to read the scripts and also knowing those deep meaning of every dialogs. If you remember, the song "Are you alright?" was on the show once. Anyway, I am not talking about HOUSE.

I want to talk about boyfriend, it sounds like this is the first time I talk about this issue seriously.

As everyone do, I always want a boyfriend and I know I should not be hurrying for it. Many nice people here who read my blog had been telling me that I should use gaydar.co.uk or some other stuffs or trying to lose weight etc. etc. etc...... These are all good idea, but it's not as easy as we thought.

The Gay Community in Hong Kong is crazy, gay guys here are always loom for someone with hot body, big dicks and nice face. It is kind of shallow, and pointless, but on the other hand it is true. We all want someone who look nice to be with and it can also satify our sexual needs.

For those who lives in big cities, they tend to consider how people dress and how people look as one important thing on making friends, and I have no comment for this right now. This is just something that happens everywhere, we all know how someone look is not the most important thing but we still try to judge people by how they look.

I am always happy to see lovely couples on the streets, no matter straight couple or gay couple. It was just great to see them have someone to hang out with and having a relationship, and I also envy of them. Talking about this, I have to mention Nike, the guy who write the blog "Loving An Angel", he is from Hong Kong to and he is currently living in Paris, he had a boyfriend called Angel and they are couples. It was cool to read everything from Nike's blog about his story with Angel and that makes me sort of girly (The romantic feelings?)

Some of you might know this from talking to me. I always feel so lonely and I wish to have someone to hang out with, maybe hug me, hold me, exactly like those lyrics from the song "Are you alright". Then I will say tons of things about how pathetic I am, and I don't know how to stop all these.... I had been hidding too much of eveything and one day I will collapse....

If Chuckie is talking to me right now, he is going to yell "Stop it" for sure. In fact, even if I try to stop, I just can't help my self thinking about all those craps again

Here's my thought, I know I am not a hottie nor someone really special, but I also deserve to be with someone. Maybe this person is appearing soon or it might appear 20 years later, but I will wait for it. I don't expect to have someone really hot, except my willy is saiding that having someone hot is awesome. I wish to maybe getting to know a few gay friends (as in person, not online), that I can feel totally free and talk about being gay.

Here's another thing, I always saying what I want and I never try to make all things work, this is why I am a loser.

PS> I am wondering why no one read my blog and not even leave some words here, and the MAIN reason is that I haven't put any cute picture for ages and then people started to forget me. If you still read this blog, why don't you e-mail me?

Jon is living in a mad world

Yes, I mean it. We all know this is a crazy world....

I had been really busy and it was totally insane. Here are the things I did lately:

1/ Cleaning up my place, it is still a huge mess and once I got it done, it is messy again.

2/ Clean up my bookshelf, I got too many books and I am trying to see what books should I keep and what books should I throw away or donate.

3/ Being my cousin's guardian. Yes, I am not kidding, since I am already 18, I can be a legal guardian. As for this, I just need to take care of her school paper work, she is going to Secondary school (similar to Middle School). I have to help her buy textbooks ( Can you believe that it cost about 370 US dollar for the entire set of textbooks for the next school year?) I have to help her getting school uniform, and I also have to give her extra works to improve her English and also other things. It is just crazy and I just do that to lessen her mom's burden.

4/ I have been looking at all the cute guys around the city. I just looked at everyone I think it's cute on the bus or in the streets or at the library and then I kept looking at them. Two days ago I saw a hot South Asian with their costumes, and then today I found this cute and nice 16-seat mini bus driver. You might say I am slutty but we are all humans!

5/ You know that I had left school for such a long time and it's time for me to apply school again, lots of craps....

6/ I have been worrying my mother a lot, she had some "women business" and I think it's not something good, she had been seeing doctor without telling me, but then my aunt told me all these.

7/ I don't have enough sleep and I have sore eyes and all sorts of stuffs. It might mean that I have some auto immune problems since I sweat a lot daily. I am seeking help from doctors and hopefully find a way to deal with it.

It's all for today and I really really want to write something interesting here, sometimes I will think of this blog and thinking what should I write about.

I would appreciate if you guys leave some comments or message me.

One more thing

During the brithday dinner of my grandmother yesterday night, my aunt was talking about how the white thing in a watermelon could be used as viagra, as you keep eating it. No wonder why watermelon is getting expensive LOL

I thought I would be pissed off.....

I thought I would be pissed off, and the fact was that I didn't. Yesterday was my grandmother's 80th birthday (father's mom) and I have been told to attend the dinner. According to the old history, my grandmother and all my aunts and uncles will bitching around and starting to humiliate me by talking about my mom and also throwing hints that my father is a coward. Which is something I usually piss me off and then I will start to get crazy, but this time, I was not pissed off.

The dinner was better than I thought, just a normal dinner with some laughter and also not-so-bad food. Except that the food is sort of salty and not enough for everyone. I hate these dinner thing but I just pretend being cool with it and just laugh when they said something funny.

My father's side of family had always been discriminating my mother for no reason. Just because she is a immigrant and they forgot there WERE actually immigrants to back to the 1950's (around the year of Chinese civil war, and you know more than 80% of Hong Kong Chinese are descendents of immigrants). They also thought that my mother will take all my dad's possesion and the truth is my dad is a poor guy and he got nothing expensive to take away from.

As I have told you, my parents are getting divorce and it's still a huge mess. They haven't agreed on quite a lot of thing yet. I have no comments on that and I knew what happened since I was young.

Actually they did humiliate my father in some sort of way yesterday night, try to make him like a waiter and serve everyone and made him like a labor, and this is what they usually do. Good thing is they didn't talk about my mother, and that's why I am not angry or whatever.

I don't really like this kind of dinner because there's no real connection of people nor real communication. It was just saying all sorts of words that to praise someone and actually mean nothing. I have been not willing to go to this kind of dinner for years. When I was 12, I got a fever on the night for my grandmother's birthday dinner and then I told them I feel so ill to get there and I were not going there, and then my grandmother pissed off and asked my uncle to drive to my home and pick me up, I got there afterwards and eat and then puke.................

There's also a reason I HAVE to go there. They (my father's family) have been saying that my mother teaches me how to piss them off or how to not respect them (eg. not attending to any family events), in fact I DID NOT FEEL LIKE GOING THERE, because THEY are TOTALLY INSANE. As for now, I will go once or twice and then will look pissed off when I got home. My grandmother is old and even she did something bad to my parents, I do respect her in different ways but I sort of hate her.

So many family history here.....

Let's talk about my health. The depression and psychosis thing is getting better and better and probably because I don't stay at home 24/7 and get the hang out with people. Except I am coughing and having an itching throat, I didn't see doctor this time but I saw the Chinese herbalist for some herbal tea and then I have to drink them only once a day. Here's another funny thing, I have been horny all day long and then being slutty on my msn with all the friends who read my blog, I try to figure out why and then I came out with one reason, the Chinese herbalist got me some herbal that is also use to turn someone up ;)

It's probably the longest post ever in this blog, hope you are not bored.......Jeremy Ryan of El Homo Blogo have this idea of putting some hotties between paragraphs, maybe I should do that too.

PS>I don't know what to put on the tittle so I decided to do it like those tittles of Emily Dickinson's poem :P

Quick Update

Let's keep it short. I feel good to be home except everything seems to be very expensive for me and I am trying to not buying anything unless it's necessary.

My home looks like hell and I spent the entire evening cleaning part of it and still have a lot to do.

I was good to chat with some new people and I wish to see them again soon.