Rugby players - male bonding

Straight guys doing gay thing.

There's not much things going on this week. I feel much better now, at least not as depressed at a few weeks ago. I am trying to figure out why I am so frsutrated and I come up with some reasons. The first reason is my mom, she makes me feel frustrated everytime when she talks about my medication and everything about my depression and psychosis, which makes me feel bad and overwhelming. The second reason is myself, sometimes I feel worthless and I do nothing, I feel like the medication is not helping me and I am getting worse. The last reason is also about me, I feel like I have somethings wrong but I don't know how to tell my psychologist and doctor about it.

Today I thought about school and I was thinking about my path to University. Since I am out of school, I can't go back to normal school again (it's something I can't explain to you), I think I will take the higher diploma course and get to University after that. There's some top-up degree (is that what it called?)for that.

I am pretty much doing nothing at home. I am probably the laziest person in the world. Since my medication started, I have gained a lot of weight and I wanted to do more exercise and shred the extra pounds, but I just can't push myself to do it. And that's same for many thing, I wanted to do something and I have a hard time to push myself for that thing. I have to find some way to push myself or I will end up being lazy and lazy.

I am also bored and I wish there's someone I can talk to. Some people added my msn and I never talked to them. I wonder where they are. If you have added my msn, please show up soon so that we can chat a little bit.

How....?

Sorry for no more eye candies in this blog for a while and I think I am trying to figure out what's wrong/ going on with me. I am glad that there's many comments.

Last Friday I went to see my psychologist and I was wishing to tell her something but it ended up that I didn't say anything and wasted the entire section. I know there's somethings wrong going on but I don't know what to say. It is hard for me to say what is going on which lead to another problem. Because I cannot tell my psychologist what is going on, she cannot do anything with it and pretty much I am stuck in somewhere on my depression and there's no progress.

On thing that could explain why I am feeling worse since the medication is that maybe my mental state started to get worse on the time I started the medication an the medication helps a little bit but not all.

Since I am not at school and I have so many free time. I want to do something meaningful but I can't push myself to do anything. I am probably the laziest person in the world.

So right now what I really want is I can figure out what the problems are and tell my doctor and psychologist about that so I can get out of the hell soon.

My life

So my life is not fucked up, but it's kind of messed up.

I think my medication is not working. I might have to change something after I see my doctor. And I also think I am having another new depression going on, I feel sick all the time, I don't want to eat, and I am bored and don't want to do anything.

I will see my psychologist next Friday and I hope I can tell her how I feel and we can figure something out.

Sorry, you guys have to listen to all my depressing thing. I want to write something different or interesting but I don't know what to talk about.

PS> The picture on the profile is not me. I am not that hot. LOL

My fucked up life

Well, I suppose I can write anything here right?
One of the reason why I write this blog is to talk about my feelings right?
I have been feeling bad these days and I really want to talk to someone.
Why there's no one who truly understands what I have been through???

This is a long story: (Sorry if this is a bad passage, I suck at writing)

Ummm, I don't know where should I start. I don't know what makes me feel down but this is what happens to me. I have depression and psychosis and I don't know when it started. I realised that when I was in the United States last year and I started to see therapy. Then I continue seeing a psychologist back in Hong Kong and I also started to see a doctor for medication on Summer 2007.

Even I am on medication, sometimes I feel better and sometimes I feel very (damn) bad.

I was stressed out at school and I quitted school last October and I have been staying home til now. I am confused about the school thing and I have to figure out what to do with school again.

One bad thing is that my parents are not supportive and they don't understand how bad I feel. I have fights with them all the time.

And I don't have many friends either. So pretty much I don't have any friends to supoort me. Everyone thinks I am a freak.

I am so frustrated and lost. I don't know how can I get out of all these problems. My life is simply messed up.

Some Questions

Prince Albert means pierced penis, right?

So is Jonny also means dick somehow?

Found these on facebook

Is it so hard just to find a guy who:
- IS SMART!!!
-Has a good personality
-Nice smile
-WON’T BREAK YOUR HEART!!
-Just wants to cuddle and not have sex
-thoughtful/considerate
-will sit and talk about any/everything
-LISTENS WHEN YOU TALK BACK!!!
-will hold your hand
-tell you how beautiful you are (not hot or fine or sexy)
-ISN’T AFRAID TO SHOW THEIR FEELINGS!!!
-tell you the TRUTH even if you don’t want to hear it.
-doesn’t want to be with a million other girls?
-is straight (lol)
-will be there for you through the good and bad times
-get you flowers just because
-will call/text you just to tell you how much he cares
-see a chick flick with you
-not make fun of you when you tell him your thought/dreams
-just sweet and good (for the most part)

Or am I just expecting too much??




Don't you think that's true??

Naughty

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Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year to everyone!!!