BI-sexual

What would you call a guy who is interested in having sex with guys and now having crushes on both guys and girls?

And he is not interested in having sex with girls

 

Tension Release II

The reason why I wrote the last post is because what Jeremy said and what did happened, and by coincidence I have just finished that episode of Sex and the City.....

 

We don't need to use extra words to justify jacking off and jack off is not something evil......

Tesion Release

Before I talk about the real topic, let me talk about Sex and the
City. Back in Season 3 of the show, Charlotte's husband Trey didn't
have sex with her for months. What happened is that Trey jack off at
night and Charlotte found that one day. Trey claimed that it is
tension relase.

After the first paragraph, I am pretty sure you know what I wanna talk
about, and Jeremy has just said the same thing on his comment.

Jeremy was right about the thing. Last night, I was sooooo horny and I
had some pleasure on my own, while one of my roomie is going back home
and one is probably making out with his girlfriend somewhere in the
campus.

It's good to release some tension out of my body and last night I had
a good sleep, the best in the past 14 days.

Bad, really bad

In the past 14 days, I haven't been able to sleep well, and always wake up reluctantly. My brain is like empty and I cannot work on any assignments or even learning things at class. I can't remember things I need to do and keep forgetting it.....

 

What's wrong with me?

I can't think queer either

I am so confused about all these things lately, it is stuck in my brain.

I have been checking out some cute girls at the campus and it was kind of strange..............any ideas of comments?

I can't think straight

I am back to Hong Kong again for the weekend. I am exhausted and my brain is empty, by empty I mean I cannot use my brain.

crap! I was thinking about writing a post and now I forgot what I wanna write.

Anyway, I am going to see a doctor for the Hep B vaccination and then I will ask him about it.

opps.. I did it again

This is not about the song but about what usually happened on my mom and me.

My mom and I usually talked and do some shopping together once a while and we talk a lot on the bus, streets etc... and what really sad is something usually make one of us pissed and then the other one will be pissed too.

It happened again yesterday and the trigger is some old newspaper! I can't believe that!

It is expected that both of us will be back to normal in a few days......

A week long holiday

I just got home yesterday from college for the week-long holiday. It's just awkward that when I arrive Hong Kong, I feel like this place is not where I'm from. It's so weird.

Once I got home I found tons of craps that I have to do.

Today I will be busy on some shopping and also working on research.

Holiday ended

My holiday was not bad except I was busy doing shopping for things that I need for college. Yesterday was the mid-autumn festival and I was celebrating it alone, that's not a good thing.

It's 5:41am now and I am leaving in 15 minutes to get the early bus to the pier and then get a boat back to my college via Macau.

My next holiday will be the National Day of China, and I will write more things during that holiday.

E-mail me anytime. I check both my gmail and hotmail.

Peace,
Jon

Home Sweet Home

I just got home yesterday from college for the long weekend. Tomorrow is the mid-autumn festival.

There's a lot to talk about what happened this week!

Will write more soon!
Jon

Hospital + Health

I was in hospital for 3 days because of serious abdominal pain. The doctor had run a few test and found out there's nothing wrong with my lung (they did it because last time I was in hospital because of a respirational system infection), kidney, stomach, and colon. He said I might have some liver problem.

By analyising the whole traditional Chinese medical and modern medical theory, I had come out with this whole thing:

1/ I haven't been sleeping on time and had enough sleep.

2/ I ate my meals irregularly, sometimes I even skipped my breakfast and lunch and only eat dinner.

3/ Sometimes I ate too much.

4/ I started to drink occasionally.

These are the things that can affect my liver and worsen my liver problem.

And see what's right about the Chinese medical point of view:

1/ My emotional swing is affected by the "liver" (when something happened to the liver, people can be angry easily)

2/ I can't sleep well.

3/ My eyes get dry a lot (not sleeping well)

_________________________________

Here's what I should do in the future (of course now!)

1/ Eat breakfast even I don't want to. A cup of milk or else. The liver need some protein in the morning

2/ Avoid eating food with too much fat. You know I am not going to make my liver a foie gras. (And who's gonna have it? Human liver with steak?)

3/ Sleep on time and have at least 8 hours of sleep.

4/ This is what I must. My dream is to lose about 30-40 pounds. Then I won't be complaining about my body all the time.

I know who did that!

Remember the strange + awkward+ nerdy comment from an anonymous? I know who did it!
It was a boy from Hong Kong who I once talk to.

PS> Michael, just tell me you did that, alright?

Lovely Sunday

Hey there,

I think this is the first time I have ever used the word lovely to describe my day. Today (Sunday) is a lovely and nice day.

I woke up as usual and start doing the same thing: checking e-mails, log in some websites, read some blogs, and write letter to a friend. After breakfast, my mom and I went to a few places and I bought some shorts and clothes. We also went to the department store and looking for a new backpack, I need a new backpack. I have found a nice one but it cost too much. I went to other shops to see if there's anything similar but there's none, I am thinking I will go there and buy that one at the department store.

Today is a crowded day in the city as it's Sunday, a public holiday. All domestic workers from Indonesia and the Philippines hang out with their friends and having party around the city. People tend to go shopping on Sunday and I saw thousands of people in Causeway Bay and I am sort of dizzy.

I went home at last and then I was talking to my friend (let's call him Kevin). Kevin is the only one that knows I am gay among my friends in Hong Kong and totally accepting this fact, and he is a hottie too. We talked a little bit on Windows Live Messenger and then he asked me to meet him at Yoshinoya (the Japanese beef rice restaurant) to talk. Then I went there and talk to him in person, just some funny conversation and it was great. I can't really look at him in eyes most of the time because that would make me sounds really interested in him, and the truth is I once had a crush on him.

That's all for now, I am about to write a few more posts.

Peace,
Jon

Stereotype

Some people had stereotyped gay people and even gay people say stereotype their "member".

Last week, I was hanging out with my friend, having dinner at the College canteen (since the food are cheaper), and then walking in the mall. My friend and I went into a few boutique and just looking at those clothes and see what is the latest style (I only looked, if you ever met me in person, you know I am unfashionable). There was a shop keeper there working at the cashier. It's a guy with scarf around his neck and wearing a short sleeve shirt. I looked at him once again and I think he is gay. Most TV shows and movie had been saying how gay people tend to wear scarf around their neck all the time, and I think it is true.

Last Saturday, I went to a coins and antique fair. It was really crowded even you have to paid to get in. Many people were getting expensive old watches and I was just seeing what's there. There was a counter held by a German banknote dealer. In this counter, I found a really hot German guy, he wore a polo shirt and the sleeves are really tight on his bicep. I think he is gay as well. Again, I don't think my gaydar was working, it was just the sense that when you saw someone wearing tight clothes and jeans, mostly you related them to gay.

After all, the two guys I mentioned above could be straight.

Before the coins and antique fair, I was in one of the main streets in Kowloon and walking to the hotel. I saw a guy in front of me and seeing how he dress reminds me of some fashion magazine. But this time I think he is straight and I have no proof on this.

Do you think there's really a stereotype on gay people, and even straight people?

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "1st Anniversary"

I do not understand why anyone should be afraid of sharing, be afraid of trusting, be afraid of bonding with another person and expressing their love and gratitude for them at least once in a lifetime. Believe me, I know it is difficult to be always perfect for your friend and I know it is a lot of hard work maintaining any sort of relationship. But are you really telling me the truth - that you do not trust anyone?
According to U.S. Census Bureau, there are 6,720,452,449 in the world at 10:25pm this Sunday night and you are telling me you cannot find a single person that you trust? Sad. What a waste of your own life and your own potential. You have no substance to you, you know that? You have no essence and you have thrown away your whole identity by using a fake name, a fake picture and a very pathetic anonymous blog. I am sorry for seeming insensitive in your eyes, but I cannot see myself standing by a person like you.
You know why I am angry. You know why I cannot tolerate you, your "emo" personality and your desperation for love and support. Someone I trust once told me, you should open your eyes and make yourself worth caring for, instead of whining about it every chance you get. Grow up and stop being so self-absorbed. (This is funny to me because you are getting this lecture from me. Me of all people!)
I know you understand that your life is not the hardest one. I know you know that you do not deserve all the sympathy in the world. But I think you should take a different approach to social interaction if you want to get anywhere and make yourself known for something good. I hope you can change yourself and make a better and happier future for yourself.
I hope you can open your eyes and see how immaturely you are behaving. I hope you can open your arms and care for others before you start complaining about your own life. And last of all, there are 6,720,456,225 people in the world at 10:50pm this Sunday night. I hope you can open your mind up just a little bit, and see that you do not need to hide yourself from everybody.

_________________________________________________

I wonder what you guys think about it.

Well, I do have to change.

Here's a thing, can you see this guy was saying how I use fake names and hidding myself? And he left his comment without his real name! So he is also hidding himself.

1st Anniversary

Happy Belated Birthday to this blog. I don't even remember that lol

wow, that's a year! a frickin' hard year!

What friends are for?

I have to admit that I was/am being a emo kid and I am trying not to be one anymore. This is obviously one of the reason why people tend to be distance from me. As I try really hard, I found out what a worst person I could be, but I am not talking about this today.

As you can see from above, I named this post " what friends are for? " , and you probably know about how friendless I am. Partly because of being only child I guess?

As I think about it deeper and deeper, I had never been totally a jerk to people around me and I wear a mask in front of people. What people can see is how nice and polite I am, and also seeing me pretend being happy. I don't know why I had been doing this for years.

This is still not what I want to talk, I have been thinking why I don't have any friends to hang out with, even they don't know the mask thing.

Here's the story, I have some "friends" that I would talk to once a while and trying to hang out with them. They are mostly my classmates back in secondary school (grade 11) and we keep in touch after we left school. There's a few of them that I talk to quite often, we mainly talk in msn and also in phone, we talk about many things, mostly daily life.

As we talk more online or in phone, they will then talk about their problems, for example, they had just borken up with a girlfriend, family problem, health problem and maybe money problem too. I was always the one to listen and help them out.

Oh, talking about the helping out thing, I did that a lot for them since we were in the same class. It turned out that they asked me for help everytime they need help.

I am fine with listening to their problems and make them feel better and also helping them out, but here my problem:

Everytime I am having troubles or problems, they rarely listen.

Everytime I want to hang out with them, they made many reasons.

I am tired of this, I am not asking for them paying me anything back, but if we are friends, I wish I will have someone to talk to and to support me just like what friends do.
It sounds like the reason I am in their life is just to solve their problems and a human made record machine.

Seriously V

Today I thought it will be another good day but the truth is it's totally not. I am probably having the worst years in my life. Yes, I am having these emotion thing again and I feel really really bad...

I am very irritated by everything lately. As mentioned a few hours earlier, only a few words can make me depressed or angry.

This is really bad, I want to leave and don't know where to go. I wanna find a few friends to hang out with but no one I can look for.....

I haven't been thinking of this for a long while but now I am thinking maybe I do want to leave.....no home, but the world...

Seriously IV

Seriously, I think I have a big problem here. I have been thinking why I am having these emotional things a lot and I still can't figure it out, it sounds like it's getting more often.

I can be mad at just a little thing and then being pissed for the whole day and I can also be depressed by just something people said and then feeling really really bad. That happened sometimes in the past, and it's getting more frequently.

For example, yesterday morning I was getting newspaper at the store and then I asked for something else. The shop keeper then said something in a cranky way and I was totally pissed.

I have been in quite a ba health condition actually. Haven't been able to sleep well and then wake up in early morning. Then I feel really really sleepy around noon and then can't take a nap.

I wish to talk to someone and everytime I talked to some of my friends, I never talk about the problems I have. I only listen to their problems and I never talk about how much I suffer or what to face. One of the reasons is I do keep too many things inside and I am very very insecure.
Even when I saw my therapy, I want to tell him/her what I have problems with and then I end up not mentioning a word about it.

One of my friend maybe right, he hate to listen to what I have to say about my life. This might be a reason why I don't have many friends to hang out with. The second one will be the insecure thing, I push people of when people started to talk or getting to know me. I had always done something that made distance between people and I.

____________________________________

I was thinking that I should probably see a therapy again and try to OPEN UP and tell him/her what I think even my thoughts and feelings can be totally selfish. Unfortunately, I won't be able to since I am still financially supported by my mother (I am trying to get my coward father away from my life, even still live in the same apartment) and my mother will never let me see a therapy since last time was a big disaster and she has prejudice on therapy and medication.

Then what can I do????

Seriously III

Well, I think I have started to make this like a novel and I have no intention doing this. Anyway, back to the theme.

I do feel better today as I have mentioned this morning. Here's what I had done:

1/ Having a brunch with my grandparents and my cousin (the one who study in New Zealand)

2/ Bringing my cousin to the airport, he has a flight back to New Zealand today.

3/ Wondering around at the airport, checking hot guys there. I did found a few hot guys, one of them is the airport police, they have different uniform and this police I found really really look like an actor from porn LOL

4/ I also check on books and magazine at the bookstore in the airport terminal. There's a few gay magazine and I wish I could buy them except they are too expensive.

5/ I bought myself a few little Japanese toy (how childish) and I have fun buying them.

6/ I went to the supermarket and treat myself and wonderful dinner: a nice sandwich and salad. Also getting a few nice soda and drinks. Paid by the cash coupon I was given many many months ago.

7/ Seeing how food and stuffs are expensive at this supermarket and how people would spend most of their money ther, makes me feel like a 'Marxist' and start hating this "evil capitalism"

Totally exhausted now and My eyes are really dry now.... going to bed soon.

PS> Something about yesterday. I went to this porn store with my cousin and he was picking porn (special gift for his roommates) and I also look at those videos. I was totally turned off by them and I am gay for sure! Actually I helped picking one of the porn :P