Damn!

What happened? I can't believe all these.

 

Today I made a girl cry, and this is not really the point. I said something not personal but related to what she did and then she cried.

 

Why is that bothering me? First of all it is me saying those bad thing and this unhappy situation made her cry.

 

And then it wasn't just because of making her cry bothers me, but also the fact that this girl is different.

 

This girl once asked me my point of view on boy-girl relationships and also asked if I want a girlfriend.

 

She also told me that I am interesting.

 

And she also look at me and smile and made me feel that she is interested in me.

 

She is also amazing and cute, I guess I am interested in her.

 

WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO???

Teaching Assistants

I have mentioned earlier here that there will be around 20 teaching assistants from the US coming to our college and most of them have arrived last week. I met a few of them today and it was pretty cool. It's fun to have these people around because they are all eye candies :P (yummy) . I happen to find one of this guy attractive, and has really nice eyes.....

 

As you all know, there's a research saying that 10% of people are homosexual so I suppose 2 of them there is gay.

 

oooohhh.... it's gonna be interesting now!

Freakin' Singles' Day

Today is so called Singles' Day in China because it's 1111. I am celebrating it for sure..... poor me...

What's going on?

I have been quite a lazy ass lately: doing assignment at the last minute, surfing the net for nothing...etc......

There's a few thing I would like to share today. Something about relationships and new thought.

1/ Girls: Yes, you rarely see me talking about girls but I am going to talk about it anyway. I found myself having some sort of crush on a girl and have a feeling that I want to get closer to her. This is something weird because I have never had such feelings before. I am trying to explain it by this is my really first time expose to a co-ed world, having classes to lots of girls and have to talk to them all the time (or let's say I have to work on assignments and group project with them)

2/ Girls again: Something funny happened last Friday. I went to Macau with that girl as she asked if I could bring her there two weeks ago. We went there by bus (hey, did I tell you I am just an hour away from Macau?) after our English class. We did some sightseeing and I was her photographer since she doesn't have her camera with her. Not only just a normal trip but a few funny things happened. We went to the Macau food festival and we ordered different food and shared together, we were accidentally video taped by the Macau tourism board (which the video of that might end up showing somewhere in Macau and also in those promoting video of Macau) , the most funny thing is I found her checking out some cute guys on the street and somehow I am looking at the same eye candy.

3/ Girls again and again: As I said I sort of starting to have feelings for girls, and some people was surprised or freaked out by this. I'm not sure about the whole girl thing yet, but I am sure that I like having sex with guys, I like getting close to hot guys and I can't have sex with girls.

BI-sexual

What would you call a guy who is interested in having sex with guys and now having crushes on both guys and girls?

And he is not interested in having sex with girls

 

Tension Release II

The reason why I wrote the last post is because what Jeremy said and what did happened, and by coincidence I have just finished that episode of Sex and the City.....

 

We don't need to use extra words to justify jacking off and jack off is not something evil......

Tesion Release

Before I talk about the real topic, let me talk about Sex and the
City. Back in Season 3 of the show, Charlotte's husband Trey didn't
have sex with her for months. What happened is that Trey jack off at
night and Charlotte found that one day. Trey claimed that it is
tension relase.

After the first paragraph, I am pretty sure you know what I wanna talk
about, and Jeremy has just said the same thing on his comment.

Jeremy was right about the thing. Last night, I was sooooo horny and I
had some pleasure on my own, while one of my roomie is going back home
and one is probably making out with his girlfriend somewhere in the
campus.

It's good to release some tension out of my body and last night I had
a good sleep, the best in the past 14 days.

Bad, really bad

In the past 14 days, I haven't been able to sleep well, and always wake up reluctantly. My brain is like empty and I cannot work on any assignments or even learning things at class. I can't remember things I need to do and keep forgetting it.....

 

What's wrong with me?

I can't think queer either

I am so confused about all these things lately, it is stuck in my brain.

I have been checking out some cute girls at the campus and it was kind of strange..............any ideas of comments?

I can't think straight

I am back to Hong Kong again for the weekend. I am exhausted and my brain is empty, by empty I mean I cannot use my brain.

crap! I was thinking about writing a post and now I forgot what I wanna write.

Anyway, I am going to see a doctor for the Hep B vaccination and then I will ask him about it.

opps.. I did it again

This is not about the song but about what usually happened on my mom and me.

My mom and I usually talked and do some shopping together once a while and we talk a lot on the bus, streets etc... and what really sad is something usually make one of us pissed and then the other one will be pissed too.

It happened again yesterday and the trigger is some old newspaper! I can't believe that!

It is expected that both of us will be back to normal in a few days......

A week long holiday

I just got home yesterday from college for the week-long holiday. It's just awkward that when I arrive Hong Kong, I feel like this place is not where I'm from. It's so weird.

Once I got home I found tons of craps that I have to do.

Today I will be busy on some shopping and also working on research.

Holiday ended

My holiday was not bad except I was busy doing shopping for things that I need for college. Yesterday was the mid-autumn festival and I was celebrating it alone, that's not a good thing.

It's 5:41am now and I am leaving in 15 minutes to get the early bus to the pier and then get a boat back to my college via Macau.

My next holiday will be the National Day of China, and I will write more things during that holiday.

E-mail me anytime. I check both my gmail and hotmail.

Peace,
Jon

Home Sweet Home

I just got home yesterday from college for the long weekend. Tomorrow is the mid-autumn festival.

There's a lot to talk about what happened this week!

Will write more soon!
Jon

Hospital + Health

I was in hospital for 3 days because of serious abdominal pain. The doctor had run a few test and found out there's nothing wrong with my lung (they did it because last time I was in hospital because of a respirational system infection), kidney, stomach, and colon. He said I might have some liver problem.

By analyising the whole traditional Chinese medical and modern medical theory, I had come out with this whole thing:

1/ I haven't been sleeping on time and had enough sleep.

2/ I ate my meals irregularly, sometimes I even skipped my breakfast and lunch and only eat dinner.

3/ Sometimes I ate too much.

4/ I started to drink occasionally.

These are the things that can affect my liver and worsen my liver problem.

And see what's right about the Chinese medical point of view:

1/ My emotional swing is affected by the "liver" (when something happened to the liver, people can be angry easily)

2/ I can't sleep well.

3/ My eyes get dry a lot (not sleeping well)

_________________________________

Here's what I should do in the future (of course now!)

1/ Eat breakfast even I don't want to. A cup of milk or else. The liver need some protein in the morning

2/ Avoid eating food with too much fat. You know I am not going to make my liver a foie gras. (And who's gonna have it? Human liver with steak?)

3/ Sleep on time and have at least 8 hours of sleep.

4/ This is what I must. My dream is to lose about 30-40 pounds. Then I won't be complaining about my body all the time.

I know who did that!

Remember the strange + awkward+ nerdy comment from an anonymous? I know who did it!
It was a boy from Hong Kong who I once talk to.

PS> Michael, just tell me you did that, alright?

Lovely Sunday

Hey there,

I think this is the first time I have ever used the word lovely to describe my day. Today (Sunday) is a lovely and nice day.

I woke up as usual and start doing the same thing: checking e-mails, log in some websites, read some blogs, and write letter to a friend. After breakfast, my mom and I went to a few places and I bought some shorts and clothes. We also went to the department store and looking for a new backpack, I need a new backpack. I have found a nice one but it cost too much. I went to other shops to see if there's anything similar but there's none, I am thinking I will go there and buy that one at the department store.

Today is a crowded day in the city as it's Sunday, a public holiday. All domestic workers from Indonesia and the Philippines hang out with their friends and having party around the city. People tend to go shopping on Sunday and I saw thousands of people in Causeway Bay and I am sort of dizzy.

I went home at last and then I was talking to my friend (let's call him Kevin). Kevin is the only one that knows I am gay among my friends in Hong Kong and totally accepting this fact, and he is a hottie too. We talked a little bit on Windows Live Messenger and then he asked me to meet him at Yoshinoya (the Japanese beef rice restaurant) to talk. Then I went there and talk to him in person, just some funny conversation and it was great. I can't really look at him in eyes most of the time because that would make me sounds really interested in him, and the truth is I once had a crush on him.

That's all for now, I am about to write a few more posts.

Peace,
Jon

Stereotype

Some people had stereotyped gay people and even gay people say stereotype their "member".

Last week, I was hanging out with my friend, having dinner at the College canteen (since the food are cheaper), and then walking in the mall. My friend and I went into a few boutique and just looking at those clothes and see what is the latest style (I only looked, if you ever met me in person, you know I am unfashionable). There was a shop keeper there working at the cashier. It's a guy with scarf around his neck and wearing a short sleeve shirt. I looked at him once again and I think he is gay. Most TV shows and movie had been saying how gay people tend to wear scarf around their neck all the time, and I think it is true.

Last Saturday, I went to a coins and antique fair. It was really crowded even you have to paid to get in. Many people were getting expensive old watches and I was just seeing what's there. There was a counter held by a German banknote dealer. In this counter, I found a really hot German guy, he wore a polo shirt and the sleeves are really tight on his bicep. I think he is gay as well. Again, I don't think my gaydar was working, it was just the sense that when you saw someone wearing tight clothes and jeans, mostly you related them to gay.

After all, the two guys I mentioned above could be straight.

Before the coins and antique fair, I was in one of the main streets in Kowloon and walking to the hotel. I saw a guy in front of me and seeing how he dress reminds me of some fashion magazine. But this time I think he is straight and I have no proof on this.

Do you think there's really a stereotype on gay people, and even straight people?

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "1st Anniversary"

I do not understand why anyone should be afraid of sharing, be afraid of trusting, be afraid of bonding with another person and expressing their love and gratitude for them at least once in a lifetime. Believe me, I know it is difficult to be always perfect for your friend and I know it is a lot of hard work maintaining any sort of relationship. But are you really telling me the truth - that you do not trust anyone?
According to U.S. Census Bureau, there are 6,720,452,449 in the world at 10:25pm this Sunday night and you are telling me you cannot find a single person that you trust? Sad. What a waste of your own life and your own potential. You have no substance to you, you know that? You have no essence and you have thrown away your whole identity by using a fake name, a fake picture and a very pathetic anonymous blog. I am sorry for seeming insensitive in your eyes, but I cannot see myself standing by a person like you.
You know why I am angry. You know why I cannot tolerate you, your "emo" personality and your desperation for love and support. Someone I trust once told me, you should open your eyes and make yourself worth caring for, instead of whining about it every chance you get. Grow up and stop being so self-absorbed. (This is funny to me because you are getting this lecture from me. Me of all people!)
I know you understand that your life is not the hardest one. I know you know that you do not deserve all the sympathy in the world. But I think you should take a different approach to social interaction if you want to get anywhere and make yourself known for something good. I hope you can change yourself and make a better and happier future for yourself.
I hope you can open your eyes and see how immaturely you are behaving. I hope you can open your arms and care for others before you start complaining about your own life. And last of all, there are 6,720,456,225 people in the world at 10:50pm this Sunday night. I hope you can open your mind up just a little bit, and see that you do not need to hide yourself from everybody.

_________________________________________________

I wonder what you guys think about it.

Well, I do have to change.

Here's a thing, can you see this guy was saying how I use fake names and hidding myself? And he left his comment without his real name! So he is also hidding himself.

1st Anniversary

Happy Belated Birthday to this blog. I don't even remember that lol

wow, that's a year! a frickin' hard year!

What friends are for?

I have to admit that I was/am being a emo kid and I am trying not to be one anymore. This is obviously one of the reason why people tend to be distance from me. As I try really hard, I found out what a worst person I could be, but I am not talking about this today.

As you can see from above, I named this post " what friends are for? " , and you probably know about how friendless I am. Partly because of being only child I guess?

As I think about it deeper and deeper, I had never been totally a jerk to people around me and I wear a mask in front of people. What people can see is how nice and polite I am, and also seeing me pretend being happy. I don't know why I had been doing this for years.

This is still not what I want to talk, I have been thinking why I don't have any friends to hang out with, even they don't know the mask thing.

Here's the story, I have some "friends" that I would talk to once a while and trying to hang out with them. They are mostly my classmates back in secondary school (grade 11) and we keep in touch after we left school. There's a few of them that I talk to quite often, we mainly talk in msn and also in phone, we talk about many things, mostly daily life.

As we talk more online or in phone, they will then talk about their problems, for example, they had just borken up with a girlfriend, family problem, health problem and maybe money problem too. I was always the one to listen and help them out.

Oh, talking about the helping out thing, I did that a lot for them since we were in the same class. It turned out that they asked me for help everytime they need help.

I am fine with listening to their problems and make them feel better and also helping them out, but here my problem:

Everytime I am having troubles or problems, they rarely listen.

Everytime I want to hang out with them, they made many reasons.

I am tired of this, I am not asking for them paying me anything back, but if we are friends, I wish I will have someone to talk to and to support me just like what friends do.
It sounds like the reason I am in their life is just to solve their problems and a human made record machine.

Seriously V

Today I thought it will be another good day but the truth is it's totally not. I am probably having the worst years in my life. Yes, I am having these emotion thing again and I feel really really bad...

I am very irritated by everything lately. As mentioned a few hours earlier, only a few words can make me depressed or angry.

This is really bad, I want to leave and don't know where to go. I wanna find a few friends to hang out with but no one I can look for.....

I haven't been thinking of this for a long while but now I am thinking maybe I do want to leave.....no home, but the world...

Seriously IV

Seriously, I think I have a big problem here. I have been thinking why I am having these emotional things a lot and I still can't figure it out, it sounds like it's getting more often.

I can be mad at just a little thing and then being pissed for the whole day and I can also be depressed by just something people said and then feeling really really bad. That happened sometimes in the past, and it's getting more frequently.

For example, yesterday morning I was getting newspaper at the store and then I asked for something else. The shop keeper then said something in a cranky way and I was totally pissed.

I have been in quite a ba health condition actually. Haven't been able to sleep well and then wake up in early morning. Then I feel really really sleepy around noon and then can't take a nap.

I wish to talk to someone and everytime I talked to some of my friends, I never talk about the problems I have. I only listen to their problems and I never talk about how much I suffer or what to face. One of the reasons is I do keep too many things inside and I am very very insecure.
Even when I saw my therapy, I want to tell him/her what I have problems with and then I end up not mentioning a word about it.

One of my friend maybe right, he hate to listen to what I have to say about my life. This might be a reason why I don't have many friends to hang out with. The second one will be the insecure thing, I push people of when people started to talk or getting to know me. I had always done something that made distance between people and I.

____________________________________

I was thinking that I should probably see a therapy again and try to OPEN UP and tell him/her what I think even my thoughts and feelings can be totally selfish. Unfortunately, I won't be able to since I am still financially supported by my mother (I am trying to get my coward father away from my life, even still live in the same apartment) and my mother will never let me see a therapy since last time was a big disaster and she has prejudice on therapy and medication.

Then what can I do????

Seriously III

Well, I think I have started to make this like a novel and I have no intention doing this. Anyway, back to the theme.

I do feel better today as I have mentioned this morning. Here's what I had done:

1/ Having a brunch with my grandparents and my cousin (the one who study in New Zealand)

2/ Bringing my cousin to the airport, he has a flight back to New Zealand today.

3/ Wondering around at the airport, checking hot guys there. I did found a few hot guys, one of them is the airport police, they have different uniform and this police I found really really look like an actor from porn LOL

4/ I also check on books and magazine at the bookstore in the airport terminal. There's a few gay magazine and I wish I could buy them except they are too expensive.

5/ I bought myself a few little Japanese toy (how childish) and I have fun buying them.

6/ I went to the supermarket and treat myself and wonderful dinner: a nice sandwich and salad. Also getting a few nice soda and drinks. Paid by the cash coupon I was given many many months ago.

7/ Seeing how food and stuffs are expensive at this supermarket and how people would spend most of their money ther, makes me feel like a 'Marxist' and start hating this "evil capitalism"

Totally exhausted now and My eyes are really dry now.... going to bed soon.

PS> Something about yesterday. I went to this porn store with my cousin and he was picking porn (special gift for his roommates) and I also look at those videos. I was totally turned off by them and I am gay for sure! Actually I helped picking one of the porn :P

Seriously II

Last night I was having such a bad emotional swing. I was triggered by some little thing from my family and then I suddenly cried. I have never done something like this before.

I am gazillion times better than last night. Still, I wish to get away from home.......

Seriously

I know how crazy I am and I know how emotional unstable I am and there's nothing I can really do to make it happen less. I have been trying so hard to make myself calm down and just to relax. In all these years, I have never found myself having any happiness and being good about anything.

There's too many things happened in my family and all these unwanted gossips and craps. I tried to not make myself gay while all my older cousin are dating someone and also pretend to be a good kid of my mom at all time (except a grumpy one). I am really tried of it and I just want to get the hell out of it.

Life isn't good at all in these years. I feel like tortured by some unknown thing and I am always stressed out. I have been thinking maybe I should leave my family and just go somewhere that no one can really check on me. Then I think about suicide and I feel so hurt. I don't want to die because there could be something nice waiting for me but then I found how useless and worthless I am. Maybe I am really tired of it.

Even I am going to college somewhere in Mainland China next month. I am not happy with it at all. It sounds like something fun but for sure I will suffer from another crap and put myself in somewhere humiliating and suffering. As mentioned a few months ago, my parents are getting divorce and they are not settled in anything. This is not really a big thing but then my father was persuaded by his mother to not giving a penny for my living and education. Which means my mom would have to pay for all of it and she/ we are having a really really really big financial problems here. I could work in theory, except I can't work and study at the same time.

Then I have a thought of not going to college. I mean it, I don't even care to go to college, I want the kind of real liberal study that I would read and learn whatever I like and not even affect by grades. Which sounds like what Benjamin Franklin and other great people one did. The problem is that the world only accepted who have graduate degree and without that damn paper you're nothing.

I am also hating myself for millions of thing. I can always do better but I am not doing anything. When I tried my best to do something, no one had ever given me any compliments or recognising it. When I want to do something that sounds working, no one is there to support me, or encourage me. This sounds childish but I never get anything spiritually since my childhood....

About my childhood, not the worst and not expecting it the best, but still there's too many thing happened. My parents worked all day and never have time to hang out with me. The only thing we did is just having maybe a day at a shopping mall or getting a meal at restaurants. It became something like daily life. That is probably why I have such a bad relationship with both of my parents, we never had any talk seriously and then I don't have anyone to talk to and I kept everything inside.

This is not the worst, believe me. I had done nothing and I had been teasing my classmates and even TEACHERS at school. Teachers, especially my class teacher back in 6th grade, always assumed I had done the wrong thing and I am always the one to blame. And why would I be sexually harrassed by a friend of my aunt? This is so unfair.

Being gay is not easy for me at all, I wish to be totally out but then I rather put myself into fear. I want to tell my family but then I rather pretend to be the good (geek) kid and hidding all the things. My mom looks liberal but then something I knew about her past proved that I can not come out to her. I came out to a friend and then he never talked to me. I have only a few friends....

I want to be in a crowd but then I rather alone. I want to be out of fear but then I gave myself a bigger cage. I want to be accepted but I never find a way to accept myself. See! I am totally a freak. I should just leave for somewhere else, but where?

Copy from Cal Queer & Asian

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage. PostingID: 102351114

Random

Here's how I start my post when I haven't write for a long time:

I feel so horrible for not updating my blog and I have been busy lately.

This become something like a daily routine, maybe you can call this a daily masturbate style LOL

Anyway, I have been chatting with different people on msn and thank you so much for all these warm regards to my mother and she is doing well. She is now being taken care by my aunt and she don't need to cook for herself.

I am working on cleaning up my room and rearrange all the things in my room but it turn out I had made a huge mess in my room and it will take forever to have it done.

Today I was talking to someone on msn and I feel really sad. I have been quite emotional and iritative lately and then he said something like it's all my fault just want to have a gay friend and it means nothing. He said I was just being shallow to have a gay friend talking about guys. To be honest I do eager for a gay friend, not only just to talk about hot guys we found on the streets but also to support each other.

I hope he still read my blog and see this. I don't know why he is so pissed and then leave ignored me.

I can't sleep well in the past 10 days, I slept at at around 11pm and then I woke up at 6am, then I had a crazy headache after lunch. I wonder what is that mean and maybe I need to see a doctor.

Also, I am quite exhausted in the evening and then I want to sleep, but I just can't sleep. Sometimes I wish to have a nice back massage.

That's all for now.....

Crap!

I'm gonna make this quick:

My mom had her women trouble and then yesterday she had her surgery and now she is in pain and can't sleep and can't walk, it just hurt to see her suffering from all these.

I am busy all day and hope to write something in deep thought soon.

Peace,
Jon

The worst thing ever!!!

I was about to sleep but then my mom called, she was asking me to meet her at the ground floor of the appartment building. I knew that she was in Hong Kong today for a doctor's appointment and I thought she left already. She look totally bad and I can see that she had been crying for a while from her eyes.

This is the worst part, she probably drank a lot tonight and then cried a lot too. When she saw me, she hold me really tight and then cried, I think she has the cancer thing, the one only women have, and it might be the bad tumor. That means she is going to have operation and even chemo therapy, I know nothing about this but this really freak me out.

The health condition of my mom is really bad and she had been sick all the time for years. She pretend she looks great and fine but the fact is she had collapse in the street once without telling people but then another day she was drunk and called me and tell me all these.

It was hurting me to see her crying and being sad and I wish I know I can do something.

My life is indeed pathetic....

Are you alright? ..... Do you have someone to hug and kiss you?

Emm... I don't know if anyone of you here do watch the FOX TV show HOUSE, it's one of my favorites and I always love to read the scripts and also knowing those deep meaning of every dialogs. If you remember, the song "Are you alright?" was on the show once. Anyway, I am not talking about HOUSE.

I want to talk about boyfriend, it sounds like this is the first time I talk about this issue seriously.

As everyone do, I always want a boyfriend and I know I should not be hurrying for it. Many nice people here who read my blog had been telling me that I should use gaydar.co.uk or some other stuffs or trying to lose weight etc. etc. etc...... These are all good idea, but it's not as easy as we thought.

The Gay Community in Hong Kong is crazy, gay guys here are always loom for someone with hot body, big dicks and nice face. It is kind of shallow, and pointless, but on the other hand it is true. We all want someone who look nice to be with and it can also satify our sexual needs.

For those who lives in big cities, they tend to consider how people dress and how people look as one important thing on making friends, and I have no comment for this right now. This is just something that happens everywhere, we all know how someone look is not the most important thing but we still try to judge people by how they look.

I am always happy to see lovely couples on the streets, no matter straight couple or gay couple. It was just great to see them have someone to hang out with and having a relationship, and I also envy of them. Talking about this, I have to mention Nike, the guy who write the blog "Loving An Angel", he is from Hong Kong to and he is currently living in Paris, he had a boyfriend called Angel and they are couples. It was cool to read everything from Nike's blog about his story with Angel and that makes me sort of girly (The romantic feelings?)

Some of you might know this from talking to me. I always feel so lonely and I wish to have someone to hang out with, maybe hug me, hold me, exactly like those lyrics from the song "Are you alright". Then I will say tons of things about how pathetic I am, and I don't know how to stop all these.... I had been hidding too much of eveything and one day I will collapse....

If Chuckie is talking to me right now, he is going to yell "Stop it" for sure. In fact, even if I try to stop, I just can't help my self thinking about all those craps again

Here's my thought, I know I am not a hottie nor someone really special, but I also deserve to be with someone. Maybe this person is appearing soon or it might appear 20 years later, but I will wait for it. I don't expect to have someone really hot, except my willy is saiding that having someone hot is awesome. I wish to maybe getting to know a few gay friends (as in person, not online), that I can feel totally free and talk about being gay.

Here's another thing, I always saying what I want and I never try to make all things work, this is why I am a loser.

PS> I am wondering why no one read my blog and not even leave some words here, and the MAIN reason is that I haven't put any cute picture for ages and then people started to forget me. If you still read this blog, why don't you e-mail me?

Jon is living in a mad world

Yes, I mean it. We all know this is a crazy world....

I had been really busy and it was totally insane. Here are the things I did lately:

1/ Cleaning up my place, it is still a huge mess and once I got it done, it is messy again.

2/ Clean up my bookshelf, I got too many books and I am trying to see what books should I keep and what books should I throw away or donate.

3/ Being my cousin's guardian. Yes, I am not kidding, since I am already 18, I can be a legal guardian. As for this, I just need to take care of her school paper work, she is going to Secondary school (similar to Middle School). I have to help her buy textbooks ( Can you believe that it cost about 370 US dollar for the entire set of textbooks for the next school year?) I have to help her getting school uniform, and I also have to give her extra works to improve her English and also other things. It is just crazy and I just do that to lessen her mom's burden.

4/ I have been looking at all the cute guys around the city. I just looked at everyone I think it's cute on the bus or in the streets or at the library and then I kept looking at them. Two days ago I saw a hot South Asian with their costumes, and then today I found this cute and nice 16-seat mini bus driver. You might say I am slutty but we are all humans!

5/ You know that I had left school for such a long time and it's time for me to apply school again, lots of craps....

6/ I have been worrying my mother a lot, she had some "women business" and I think it's not something good, she had been seeing doctor without telling me, but then my aunt told me all these.

7/ I don't have enough sleep and I have sore eyes and all sorts of stuffs. It might mean that I have some auto immune problems since I sweat a lot daily. I am seeking help from doctors and hopefully find a way to deal with it.

It's all for today and I really really want to write something interesting here, sometimes I will think of this blog and thinking what should I write about.

I would appreciate if you guys leave some comments or message me.

One more thing

During the brithday dinner of my grandmother yesterday night, my aunt was talking about how the white thing in a watermelon could be used as viagra, as you keep eating it. No wonder why watermelon is getting expensive LOL

I thought I would be pissed off.....

I thought I would be pissed off, and the fact was that I didn't. Yesterday was my grandmother's 80th birthday (father's mom) and I have been told to attend the dinner. According to the old history, my grandmother and all my aunts and uncles will bitching around and starting to humiliate me by talking about my mom and also throwing hints that my father is a coward. Which is something I usually piss me off and then I will start to get crazy, but this time, I was not pissed off.

The dinner was better than I thought, just a normal dinner with some laughter and also not-so-bad food. Except that the food is sort of salty and not enough for everyone. I hate these dinner thing but I just pretend being cool with it and just laugh when they said something funny.

My father's side of family had always been discriminating my mother for no reason. Just because she is a immigrant and they forgot there WERE actually immigrants to back to the 1950's (around the year of Chinese civil war, and you know more than 80% of Hong Kong Chinese are descendents of immigrants). They also thought that my mother will take all my dad's possesion and the truth is my dad is a poor guy and he got nothing expensive to take away from.

As I have told you, my parents are getting divorce and it's still a huge mess. They haven't agreed on quite a lot of thing yet. I have no comments on that and I knew what happened since I was young.

Actually they did humiliate my father in some sort of way yesterday night, try to make him like a waiter and serve everyone and made him like a labor, and this is what they usually do. Good thing is they didn't talk about my mother, and that's why I am not angry or whatever.

I don't really like this kind of dinner because there's no real connection of people nor real communication. It was just saying all sorts of words that to praise someone and actually mean nothing. I have been not willing to go to this kind of dinner for years. When I was 12, I got a fever on the night for my grandmother's birthday dinner and then I told them I feel so ill to get there and I were not going there, and then my grandmother pissed off and asked my uncle to drive to my home and pick me up, I got there afterwards and eat and then puke.................

There's also a reason I HAVE to go there. They (my father's family) have been saying that my mother teaches me how to piss them off or how to not respect them (eg. not attending to any family events), in fact I DID NOT FEEL LIKE GOING THERE, because THEY are TOTALLY INSANE. As for now, I will go once or twice and then will look pissed off when I got home. My grandmother is old and even she did something bad to my parents, I do respect her in different ways but I sort of hate her.

So many family history here.....

Let's talk about my health. The depression and psychosis thing is getting better and better and probably because I don't stay at home 24/7 and get the hang out with people. Except I am coughing and having an itching throat, I didn't see doctor this time but I saw the Chinese herbalist for some herbal tea and then I have to drink them only once a day. Here's another funny thing, I have been horny all day long and then being slutty on my msn with all the friends who read my blog, I try to figure out why and then I came out with one reason, the Chinese herbalist got me some herbal that is also use to turn someone up ;)

It's probably the longest post ever in this blog, hope you are not bored.......Jeremy Ryan of El Homo Blogo have this idea of putting some hotties between paragraphs, maybe I should do that too.

PS>I don't know what to put on the tittle so I decided to do it like those tittles of Emily Dickinson's poem :P

Quick Update

Let's keep it short. I feel good to be home except everything seems to be very expensive for me and I am trying to not buying anything unless it's necessary.

My home looks like hell and I spent the entire evening cleaning part of it and still have a lot to do.

I was good to chat with some new people and I wish to see them again soon.

Wooooooow, I feel good :P

I got home safely :) Yeah!!!!

More entries once I settle down.

Hottie

I was bored today and then I am online almost the entire morning and chat with people. A few days ago, I was chatting with a friend and he was planning to go to the gym. He said something like if there's a hot girl nearby he would probably work out more, then I told him that who knows what he would see next.

He had been single for a while so I was joking that he just to have a girlfriend, then I told him I always found some hotties. Here's the list of hotties I remember:

Dudes:

1/ A Cellist from Switzerland and I saw him somewhere and he is smoking hot.
2/ A waiter from Bob Evan's at Columbus, Ohio (somewhere near those inter-state), if I had heard of craiglist by that time, I would have put a post on missed connection and see if he was there.
3/ A salesman at a shoe store somewhere in New York, my friend was there to get a new shoes and she asked me to go with her. Then I saw this cutie, he is obviously a high school kid.

Chicks:

1/ A Chinese girl at the Sandwich store somewhere in Pennsylvania (Probably passed Philapdelphia already) , it was on the way back to the Midwest after a nice trip to New York City, and she is the beautiful Chinese girl I have ever seen so far.
2/ Blondies girl at the snooker place in Auckland, New Zealand. It was just a few months ago when I was in NZ, I went to the snooker place with some people and then I saw this girl. She was cute and then she was wearing some kind of clothes that make people keep looking at her boobs, and then she moves down to play snooker LOL

There's probably more of these kind of thing but these are those I can remember.

I am sure everyone had some kind of crush on some strangers or had some missed connections. I would love to hear some.

What Happens in Vegas... Stay in Vegas????

This is about the movie " What Happens in Vegas" and there will be some kinds of spoilers inside and if you haven't watched the movie or planning to watch it, don't scroll down

____________________________________________________________________

What Happens in Vegas is the latest movie I had watched and it's one of my favorites. I would give it 3.5 stars out of 5 because this movie means something even though it's a commercial comedy.

1/ It reveals the views of marriage, the judge had given an idea on marriage is a big thing and now people forget what marriage means. Somehow it gave a viewpoint on Gay marriage and defending we gay people.

[The judge makes a great point in the movie about how we don’t want gay people to get married in this country but it’s actually straight people who are screwg up the sanctity of marriage.]

2/ I feel like I am related to the character acted by Cameron Diaz (note: I don't think putting Cameron Diaz on the movie is a good idea, but this is Hollywood and they need star cast). I think I am also the kind of person who "makes plans to make plans" , and need to loosen up.

THEN I GOT A MILLION!!!!

3/ I sounds like the kind of partner I need is exactly like "Jack Fuller", kind of a messy straight guy....

4/ It also reveals something about Asians. Remember that "bitch" (Chong) at the stock brooker company? It tell us how aggresive Asian could be and it tell us how Asian are avoiding to give wrong signals to people and afterall they did.

[I need to explain more about it one day]

Quotes I like from the movie:

Joy McNally: The topping I wanted on my popcorn. I know the box said it's movie theater butter, but you guessed it. What I really want is sweaty Jack's balls flavour.
Jack Fuller: I'm just giving you what you want, baby.

(There's more but I can't find them all)

Interesting stuff

I found this today and I would like to share with you guys, go and have a look there, the jack off game was fun LOL

www.humplex.com

Random Post

Today is a normal day except the weather here is a little bit cool and windy. I went to the bank and waited for an hour to have all the things done on the counter.

It was great to talk to a few people who read this blog and I always enjoy these conversation, except sometimes I talk about something naughty and......

Just 10 minutes ago, my cousin took off his clothes (with briefs on) and going to bed and it was cool to see him 90% naked LOL

Well, I wonder if there's any reader from Taiwan, China, and Italy, I would love to talk to them.

_________________________________________________________________

Help!!!

I feel like some of the people I knew now know about my blog and if that is true, what should I do? Am I just being paranoid?

PS. For those who subscribe this blog, I wish you can leave a message here. I just want to know how many people do that.

Desperate Housewives

I am here again and there's a lot going on here, lots of drama and life have enough dramas in it!

Today, I watched Desperate Housewives Season 4 Episode 12-17 and it was like a TV show marathon. I like DH even more than before now. The season finale is kind of interesting and I wonder what will Marc Cherry and all those writers deal with it.
They fast forwarded the timeline of the story and I think it might be a huge mess.
The last scene of the finale really confused me, who is the guy that Susan kissed? I thought Susan should be with Mike Delfino and rumors said that the producers had not yet decided if James Denton (Delfino) will be on the show again.

I also thought that Chris Carmack (the O.C jock) will be on the show for a few episodes but it turned out that he was only there for episode #11.

Anyway, I still look forward to see the new season of DH and enjoy the show.

PS. Any DH fans here? Have you guys read anything about psychological analysis of the housewives?

Hmm.......

Hey Guys,
It had been quite a long time since I've reallyupdated my blog. I mean to put some new entries or some nice pictures, but my aunt's computer really sucks, and I will have to go to internet cafe for blogging.

As you all know, I am out of Hong Kong. Now I am staying at my relatives'. I don't know how long I will be here but obviously I have to stay here for another month.

It sucks to be here for some reasons. I can't watch any American TV shows (I missed Desperate Housewives and House), there's nothing interesting to do. I can't read any blogs (all those I recommned in my blog), since people would know what I am doing and I don't want them to know about my sexuality.

There's some good things too, I can watch CCTV French and Spanish (I know a little bit French and none Spanish), as welll as the CCTV international.

I also brought some DVDs (unfortunately no videos of hot guys making out) with me so I am watch some movies when I am free. There's more and I will tell you guys soon.

I am doing well here and I think I adopted life in here as well, except I can't tolerate my aunt bitching around and speaking loudly. I am trying to keep myself busy like last month so that I won't be depressed, but it doesn't work this time.
I hd also been hyper for no reasons and it is kind of odd.

By the way, I got a huge crush on a boy (who is actually kind of my cousin from the extended family), he is quite hot and I saw him half naked for many times and also just him with his boxers once.

I should porbably go now, or I will have to hear my aunt yelling again. I promise I will write more as possible.

Peace,
Jon

PS> As mentioned last month, I was heading north, which means I am now in China. But I am not affected by the earthquake.

Quick Post

I can't believe it had been more than a month since the last post.

If you wanna talk to me, please send e-mail to both of my e-mails, younghomooutinhk@gmail.com and younghomooutinhk@hotmail.com

Things are insane here and I have to go now, will write more soon.

Hey Chuckie,
I miss you and I wish we can talk soon.



Peace,
Jon

Start Spreading the News

Start Spreading the News, I am leaving tomorrow. (remember? it's from New York, New York, except the "tomorrow")

Ok, sorry for such a rush and let me explain it a little bit.

I am leaving HK tomorrow and I am going to somewhere in China, for security reason, I can't tell you where for now.

Sorry again, I have to keep on packing.

Peace,
Jon

PS. Wish me luck on meeting hot guys!

Chris Carmack

Ah ha! I finally got the nerve make this entry. I am going to talk about Chris Carmack. In case you don't know him, he was the guy Luke at the O.C and Tim at Desperate Housewives, he was a model for A&F a few years ago.

He is totally hot and there's a few youtube clip of him playing Yoga naked, it worth to have a look.

If he is gay, I wish he did some kind of hardcore porn LOL

Talking about the O.C and DH, I found one thing in common for Chris' role on both show, Luke (The O.C) had sex with Julie Cooper and Tim (DH) had sex with Katherine Mayfair.

Well, I mean to put some picture of him but I am really busy. I might do it some other time.

What Had Jon Done in Auckland 2

OK, let me make it clear, there's no body called Rob and I was not watching any Czech Porn, I was just thinking it might be funny to make a entry by third person.

I did what I mentioned on the last post

What had Jon done in Auckland?

Hey Dude, what's up? This is Jon's friend Rob, he is now busy with watching some Czech porn and he forgot to log off so I took this. I should probably tell you some big secrets of Jon.
He probably didn't tell you guys what he had done in Auckland, New Zealand, I think he might be feel bad about something. Let me tell you what I know about this.
He had been eating Baklava everyday in Auckland and I think he had tried all Baklava in town, and I think he gained two pounds for this.
He had also been going to some kind of gaming lounge and playing the slot machine, he must have lost some money and don't wanna talk about this, thank god he left Auckland on the right time.
All the things I have mentioned are not that interesting, I logged into his laptop one day and I found out that he left some message on a chatroom and he was planning to go to a sauna/ bathroom at the city, I think he had been there twice and he did nothing I bet.
Well, that's all I can tell you cause Jon found me typing right now, I'd better stop here and go watch the video with him, maybe we might sleep together, who knows?

Where the hack is Jon?

Hi Guys,
As mentioned, I have been quite busy, and you might wonder what kind of things I am busy with, so here the list:

1/ Get enough high quality of sleep
2/ Meeting old classmates for lunch/ dinner
3/ Reading Newspaper
4/ Reading Blogs
5/ Replying Mails (not e-mails)
6/ Sending e-mails to people
7/ Replying e-mails

You might think I am not that busy but I am, eventhough I am not at school anymore.

I mean to write a meaningful entry but it takes time to organize it, so please wait for it.

Peace,
Jon

PS. Some strange e-mails from somewhere were send to people to add my msn contact, I don't know who did that, that's not me.

PS 2/ Something serious I have to talk about in the forseeable future.

Apologize

Hello Everyone,

I know I haven't been written a normal entry in this blog for a long time and I mean to write a long entry today. Something different happened today and I was keeping myself busy and it's 0am now and I am very exhausted. I mean to talk about my whole trip to Auckland and all the other stuffs.

I hope you guys understand that. For those who have been reading my blog, I would recommend you guys to read the entry on February about my depression, cause I am going to talk about it. If you have just started to read my blog, except the depression entry, maybe you should also read from the beginning. It will be cool for you guys to find some mistakes on my previous entries or leave comments to tell me how to write that sentence in that entry in a better way.

OK, I must sleep now. I am a weird person because if I don't sleep enough, I will have a really really bad headache.

Finally, I hope everyone is doing ok.

Peace,
Jon

Home Unsweet Home

1/ I got home safely yesterday. (after 28 days in Auckland, long flights and 12 horrible hours in Bangkok Suvanabhumi airport)

2/ I feel depressed again.

3/ I want to talk about why I am blue but I can't explain why

4/ Talk about that later.

Coming Out

Dear Chuckie,

I hope you are reading this and I hope you don't mind I put this on my blog. Today is a really special day. Guess what? I bet you have no idea. Let me tell you.Remember last year on the same day, after staying in New York for Spring break, I CAME OUT to you! So I have been coming out to you for a year!!

Can you believe that it's already a year since I came out to you? It just sounds like something just happened not so long ago, isn't it?

I was actually planning on coming out to you before we go to New York, but I was kind of afraid to do that. I don't know why I was afraid, maybe it's because I am not ready for that.

One day when we were in New York City, I was acting kind of weird and make those excuses for getting into the library (I remeber one of those excuses is to get something for my aunt at the gift shop nearby). I met Brent Hartinger at the library and I am glad I have talked to him, he encouraged me to come out to you and not to worry to much. I am glad that I came out to you after the trip to New York, it really changed my life.

Thanks for showing me all the books and videos (not porn) that you have about homosexuality and I got to know more about what being gay is, and thanks for listening to me about how I feel and all the confusion I have and giving me advice.

Remember the trip to Indianapolis? I had so much fun with you travelling around the city. We went to the gayborhood and it was awesome. I remember we saw "7,8, and 9" at the same time when we were crossing the street at Indy. There's so many good memories...

I just wanna tell you that you're pretty important in my life. Without coming out to you, I might be just a miserable lost gay teenager.

Miss you,
Jon

Quick Update

Hey guys,

I am still in Auckland, New Zealand and I have been here for almost a month. It's great that I am not making any troubles but it's time for me to go home.

I am leaving Auckland on 3rd April and then stay a night in Bangkok since the flight to Hong Kong is on the next day.

I promise I will update the blog as soon as possible. Actually I have tons of things I want to talk about.

Peace,
Jon

Comments

Here's some comments I got a few days ago and I want to talk about this:

1/
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "100th POST!!!":

Do something about your weight problem while you are young. The older you get, the harder it will be to lose the extra kilos. It would be nice of have someone to go to the gym with but that's just an excuse not to go. Besides you might meet someone hunky there. Or swim - a good way to get trim. Maybe you feel yucky now but exercising and seeing your body change will give you more confidence in catching the eye of a cute guy. Ian

Well, Ian is right. I should probably do something about my weight right now. Yesterday I went to the beach with my cousin and he told some picutre of me, gosh, I look more chubby than the past few month. There's also a problem, I am lazy for going to gym, and wanted to have someone go with me is really an excuse. Also, I found out that I can't control my eating habits.

2/
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "My fucked up life":

It's not your life that is fucked up - it is the context and surroundings in which it is able to live.

If you really can't change the people and surroundings that is causing you so much grief, consider moving to somewhere where you can be truly you.

Much love...

I think I want to talk about this more on my next post. I really want to move to somewhere else. Well, let's talk about this more on the next post.

Auckland , NZ

Hey bitches, what's up? I am now in Auckland , NZ and this is my fifth day here.
So right now I am at the cafe for internet coz my cousin's place don't have internet. That sucks, I can't read all the cool blogs and looking for nice hot stud porn on the internet.

I am having fun here so far with my cousin and his friends.We went to play bowling, snooker and golf (I sucked at it). I also rent movies and TV shows and I watch them everyday. I also went to a bookstore and bought some books so that I can read a little bit before going to bed.

Well, I don't know how long I am going to stay in Auckland, it won't be more than 90 days. Also, I won't be able to update this blog all the time, I will try my best.

Pasta Scene

Have you ever heard of someone using pasta for fun?



The boy in the video is Julien Baumgartner, the cutie at the movie You'll Get Over It.

Conversation 2

The Conversation was about me coming out to a friend.
Today I went to a few sex stores with this friends, and looking for a fleshlight, but I didn't buy one.
End of story

Conversation

Please leave comments if you have any ideas about the following conversation, I will talk about this later.

A: so can I ask you and tell you a bunch of crap
A: don't be pissed or being awkward, ok
B: Alright
A: ok
A:first question
A: what if one of your friend ( male friend) is a homosexual
B:respect
A: i see
A: cool
A:and will you stay away from him?
B: not deliberately
A:what do you mean by not deliberately
B:no, i mean
A: What do you mean?
A: you mean not delibertae stay away from him right
B: ?.?...hu just simple"NO" no
A: what NO I don't understand
B: Which means I won’t
A: ok
B: you know about Vincent right?
A: what happened on him?
B: you didn't know@@?
B: Well, he was with someone…..
A: who
B: i forgot his name= =
B: same class with us
A: Henry
B: That’s it!
A: is that real?
B: Well, I don’t know
A: you mean they had sex LOL
B:: Of coz not la i think
A: well, just kidding
A: even str8 man do things to stimulate their prostate
A: opps, i am saying too much
A: well, which lead to another question I am going to ask
B: ok
A: do you think I am a homosexual?
B: i dun think so...wt? someone thinks that?
A: well, no one thinks I am a homo
B:you think you are gay?
A: well, i don't know what to say now
A:but there's a reason I am asking all these thing
B: wt reason?
A: it's difficult to say it but since I brought it up
A: I should finish what I want to say
B: ok
A: let's just say I am a homo, what would you think?
B: Nothing will happen, at least you’re not having a crush on me
A: ok, i should make it clear now
B: go ahead
A: ok, so I am a homo
A: is because I think i need to let someone know and kind of having some support
B: :)
A: and reason number two is, we are friends, and you open to me
A: and i should do the same right
B: thanks for telling me
A: you're welcome
A: AND , I like Caucasian men more than Asian :P
A: so you don't have to worry about I will have a crush on you
B: :P
A: funny huh?
A: I mean the preference on Caucasian men is funny
B: i think so
A: lol
A: if you want to ask me anything about the homo thing, you can always bring it up
A: but, don't tell anyone about my sexuality tihng
A: let's just keep me semi-closeted
B: ok ofcoz la...but you want to tell me...i will listen
A: there's many thing about what happened
A: many stories in the US about my sexuality
A: They are not about sex, no worries :P
B: good~!
A: you mean good by me not talking about sex right? LOL
B: yup

Please leave comments if you have any ideas about the following conversation, I will talk about this later.

From Postsecret, exactly what I am

I want to lose some weight but I am far too lazy....

New Poll

24 Feb 2008

Today I went to get some Chinese herbs in a store and then I walked around the area. I went to mall and walk around and I found this Video store, I wanted to rent DVDs of the O.C. but it cost a lot so I decided I am not going to rent it.

Then, I saw the banner of the sex store, which is nearby where I used to go to school and I know that store exists for many year. I thought I would go there and see how much a fleshlight and dildo cost because I want one but I didn't. I feel awkward to go there.

So now I am putting this new poll and see what you guys think about it.

Quick update

1/ I am lazy

2/ I have just found out I gained more than 15 pounds since I started the medication

3/ I stopped all the crap medicine for my depression and psychosis and I went to see a Chinese herbalist.

4/ I am going to New Zealand at on the first week of March.

Anybody have any ideas about doing things in Auckland should tell me, or if you are from New Zealand (especially Auckland), please contact me

Be My Anti Valentine

100th POST!!!

After reading Troy's 100th post, I also want to write 100 things about me.

100 things about me:

1. I was born in Hong Kong
2. I was born in (probably wrong preposition for this) premature delivery (about 3 months earlier than usual)
3. I weighted about 4 pounds when I was born
4. I am only child of my parents
5. I have more than 20 cousins
6. My last name starts with T, and it’s difficult to pronounce for all English speaker
7. I am a skinhead
8. I am 5'8
9. I am overweight
10. I gained about 15 pounds since I started my anti-depressant medication last August
11. I am Chinese; sometimes I wish I am from somewhere else
12. I speak two Chinese dialects, Cantonese and Hokkien
13. I speak Mandarin too
14. I was born in December 1989
15. My lunar birthday is 11th of the 11th month
16. My Chinese zodiac is snake
17. I am a sagittarius
18. My favourite season is autumn
19. My "lucky" (maybe not) numbers are 3 and 12
20. I wear glasses
21. I love languages
22. My favourtie food is pasta
23. I am “burgerphobic”, which means I hate hamburgers
24. My mother don’t let me eat junk food when I was a kid
25. My mom was pretty strict to me when I was a kid
26. My favourite sport is table-tennis, which is kind of a stereotype for Chinese.
27. I love swimming too, but I don't have a swimmer body
28. I want to travel as many countries as I can.
29. I love skyscrapers
30. My favourite fruits are mango and pineapple
31. I listen to old songs
32. I love old things, especially antiques
33. I love counting money
34. I failed English in Primary 3 (3rd grade)
35. My weakness in English is prepositions
36. I have never broken a bon
37. My first time on an airplane is about 11
38. I love barbequed food
39. I love the sound of a xylophone
40. I don’t know what I care about the most in my life
41. My favourite TV reality show is the Amazing Race
42. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is my favourties too
43. In Fab 5, I like Kyan
44. I love to watch Desperate Housewives, and HOUSE
45. My favourite musical is The Producers (actually Springtime for Hitler :P)
46. I love to watch cooking and traveling programmes
47. I want to be a teacher one day
48. I have pen-friends and I write letter and send them by snail mail
49. I collect stamps, coins and paper money, which make me feel I am kind of geeky
50. I am not hairy, I don't have much facial hair
51. I went to a boys’ school for 5 years
52. If I were American. I would be a Democrat
53. As above, I would vote for Obama instead of Clinton
54. I live in the US for a school year as high school exchange student
55. I stayed in the Midwest (I can't tell you which state) during my high school exchange year
56. My favorite subjects are History, French, Theatre (during exchange year)
57. I didn't join the swim team during the exchange year because I am fat, and I feel embarassed to shower with a bunch of guys, basically I was shy
58. I wish I tried the musical audition during the exchange year
59. I have more friends in the US than Hong Kong
60. I actually have less than 5 friends in Hong Kong
61. I love to make friends with people all over the world
62. I can count 1 to 10 in 4 languages
63. I hate literature
64. I tried my first beer when I was 4, believe it or not
65. I never smoke
66. I never tried any drugs
67. I wear size 13 shoes, sometimes 12, 12.5 fit
68. I have taking showers and bath
69. I don't wear jeans much because my thighs are thick
70. I have have any pets, and I don't want any pets
71. I wish I have someone to go to gym and do exercise with me
72. I always want to have a gay close friend
73. I am circumcised
74. I can’t remember my first male crush, it might happened when I was about 4
75. I think I started to discover I am gay at the age of 13
76. I think my first masturbation was at the age of 8
77. I ususally masturbate during shower
78. I love cuddling and making out more than sex
79. I don't know if I am top, bottom or versatile
80. I don't think I like anal sex
81. My cousin showed me straight porn when I was 8
82. I was a virgin until Summer 2007
83. I have an underwear fetish, I think most gay men have this
84. I have never been in love.
85. I rarely have a wet dream
86. I have crushes on some girl, but I never want to do something further with them
87. I went to prom with the girl I like
88. I don't know how to dance
89. I never ski
90. I don't feel like coming out to my family
91. I wish I do more stuffs during my high school exchange year
92. I love my host family (the family who host me during the exchange year), I feel like part of them
93. I want to have at least a million dollar when I am 40
94. I don't have to have children
95. I love going to the library
96. I wish there's more gay related books at the library
97. I have many craps in my room
98. I love jazz
99. I want to make myself a better person
100. I wish I have a happy life.

Update

I feel like it had been ages since the last post. I always want to write something but I don’t know what to talk about. It’s just because my life is kind of boring and there’s nothing special I can mention. (Right now I feel that my English sucks)

I went to Shenzhen, China (an hour from Hong Kong) to celebrate Chinese New Year with relatives from my mom’s side. I tried to get on the internet a few times but it didn’t work, that sucks. If I got the internet, I would have post another entry earlier than today.

I didn’t get many red packets this year. You know I am now 18, not a little boy (brat?) anymore, so the older relatives don’t give as much red packets to me as they did before.

Yesterday, I went to my cousin’s wedding banquet. It’s pretty good. I have many different thoughts in my mind during the whole thing. You know, as I am gay, I won’t get married which means I won’t have to do all the wedding things. And then I was thinking about how to explain the whole gay thing to my mom, I had told her that I don’t want to get married and have children, and she is fine with that. I think she had figured out something, but it is still hard for me to tell her I am gay. And then I was thinking of the whole coming out thing, I am still scared to come out to anyone and I don’t feel like coming out to any body, maybe it’s because I feel kind of insecure.

Well, I am kind of tired right now. I think I am going to bed soon.

PS. That would be great if someone check my grammar for this entry, I am serious for that.
Good news: I feel much better and not depressed

Rugby players - male bonding

Straight guys doing gay thing.

There's not much things going on this week. I feel much better now, at least not as depressed at a few weeks ago. I am trying to figure out why I am so frsutrated and I come up with some reasons. The first reason is my mom, she makes me feel frustrated everytime when she talks about my medication and everything about my depression and psychosis, which makes me feel bad and overwhelming. The second reason is myself, sometimes I feel worthless and I do nothing, I feel like the medication is not helping me and I am getting worse. The last reason is also about me, I feel like I have somethings wrong but I don't know how to tell my psychologist and doctor about it.

Today I thought about school and I was thinking about my path to University. Since I am out of school, I can't go back to normal school again (it's something I can't explain to you), I think I will take the higher diploma course and get to University after that. There's some top-up degree (is that what it called?)for that.

I am pretty much doing nothing at home. I am probably the laziest person in the world. Since my medication started, I have gained a lot of weight and I wanted to do more exercise and shred the extra pounds, but I just can't push myself to do it. And that's same for many thing, I wanted to do something and I have a hard time to push myself for that thing. I have to find some way to push myself or I will end up being lazy and lazy.

I am also bored and I wish there's someone I can talk to. Some people added my msn and I never talked to them. I wonder where they are. If you have added my msn, please show up soon so that we can chat a little bit.

How....?

Sorry for no more eye candies in this blog for a while and I think I am trying to figure out what's wrong/ going on with me. I am glad that there's many comments.

Last Friday I went to see my psychologist and I was wishing to tell her something but it ended up that I didn't say anything and wasted the entire section. I know there's somethings wrong going on but I don't know what to say. It is hard for me to say what is going on which lead to another problem. Because I cannot tell my psychologist what is going on, she cannot do anything with it and pretty much I am stuck in somewhere on my depression and there's no progress.

On thing that could explain why I am feeling worse since the medication is that maybe my mental state started to get worse on the time I started the medication an the medication helps a little bit but not all.

Since I am not at school and I have so many free time. I want to do something meaningful but I can't push myself to do anything. I am probably the laziest person in the world.

So right now what I really want is I can figure out what the problems are and tell my doctor and psychologist about that so I can get out of the hell soon.

My life

So my life is not fucked up, but it's kind of messed up.

I think my medication is not working. I might have to change something after I see my doctor. And I also think I am having another new depression going on, I feel sick all the time, I don't want to eat, and I am bored and don't want to do anything.

I will see my psychologist next Friday and I hope I can tell her how I feel and we can figure something out.

Sorry, you guys have to listen to all my depressing thing. I want to write something different or interesting but I don't know what to talk about.

PS> The picture on the profile is not me. I am not that hot. LOL

My fucked up life

Well, I suppose I can write anything here right?
One of the reason why I write this blog is to talk about my feelings right?
I have been feeling bad these days and I really want to talk to someone.
Why there's no one who truly understands what I have been through???

This is a long story: (Sorry if this is a bad passage, I suck at writing)

Ummm, I don't know where should I start. I don't know what makes me feel down but this is what happens to me. I have depression and psychosis and I don't know when it started. I realised that when I was in the United States last year and I started to see therapy. Then I continue seeing a psychologist back in Hong Kong and I also started to see a doctor for medication on Summer 2007.

Even I am on medication, sometimes I feel better and sometimes I feel very (damn) bad.

I was stressed out at school and I quitted school last October and I have been staying home til now. I am confused about the school thing and I have to figure out what to do with school again.

One bad thing is that my parents are not supportive and they don't understand how bad I feel. I have fights with them all the time.

And I don't have many friends either. So pretty much I don't have any friends to supoort me. Everyone thinks I am a freak.

I am so frustrated and lost. I don't know how can I get out of all these problems. My life is simply messed up.

Some Questions

Prince Albert means pierced penis, right?

So is Jonny also means dick somehow?

Found these on facebook

Is it so hard just to find a guy who:
- IS SMART!!!
-Has a good personality
-Nice smile
-WON’T BREAK YOUR HEART!!
-Just wants to cuddle and not have sex
-thoughtful/considerate
-will sit and talk about any/everything
-LISTENS WHEN YOU TALK BACK!!!
-will hold your hand
-tell you how beautiful you are (not hot or fine or sexy)
-ISN’T AFRAID TO SHOW THEIR FEELINGS!!!
-tell you the TRUTH even if you don’t want to hear it.
-doesn’t want to be with a million other girls?
-is straight (lol)
-will be there for you through the good and bad times
-get you flowers just because
-will call/text you just to tell you how much he cares
-see a chick flick with you
-not make fun of you when you tell him your thought/dreams
-just sweet and good (for the most part)

Or am I just expecting too much??




Don't you think that's true??

Naughty

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year to everyone!!!

Question

Let me ask you something. As we all know, Mickey Mouse only has four fingers. So which finger he doesn't have?

Merry Christmas

Holiday

I feel like it's ages since my last entry and I didn't say anything.

Well, I have been very tired all day with no reasons and I think if there;s a cute boy to wake me up it would be awesome.

This year I am not really in a holiday mood like last year. Last year I was in the United States and I was more in the holiday thing than ever, I got many presents.

By the way I am also waiting for a package from my host family (the family who host me last year when I was a exchange student) in the midwest, it's something they gave me for birthday plus Christmas, I hope it arrive tomorrow.

Jeez, I have a headache right now. What I want is medicine and a cute boy will help too!


Maybe a guy like this?


Or this? :)

Queer Eye is back!

It's great that Queer Eye is back on TVB pearl on the 29th.
Queer Eye is always one of my favorite shows!

Is the dog looking at the wiener?

Being 18 (II)

Being 18 means I have to change my ID card and my passport soon (in a month I would say). I didn't feel I am more mature than before eventhough I am 18 now. Well, 18 is 18, there isn't much thing to expect for being 18 right?

Talking about sex. I don't think I really love anal sex. I don't know why. You know that not everyone like it huh?

I don't think I am a really sexually active person, and sex don't really mean a lot to me not til I got a boyfriend.

Oh, boyfriend! I have been longing to get one. But the more I am thinking about it, the more it will make me depressed. I know I should not be hurry for a boyfriend, it will come finally right?

Here's just some pic to today.

Being 18

Being 18 in Hong Kong, you can smoke, drink and gambling.

And I don't know why it reminds me something I knew from news.
There's a law in Hong Kong that guys under the age of 21 cannot have gay sex.
I always wonder why. It's something left by the British though....

Blazing Asian

Today I took the TOEFL test (a English test) and it should be fine.
I was kind of nervous at the oral examination.



I had Indian food for dinner tonight and then I saw the word "blazing" in somewhere, which reminds me my nickname at the high school play last year during my exchange year in USA is "Blazing Asian". I was working back stage in the school play and everyone get a nickname. Another boy who is also in the crew, let's call him Sporty Boy, he also worked the lights with me and he came out the nickname "Blazing Asian" for me and I don't know why.

It actually make sense somehow, coz I am the only Asian in the backstage crew so no matter if I am hot or not, I am also the blazing asian.



Well, just a pic I found long long time ago for you guys.

Lonely

I am lonely not because I'm alone but also I am bored. It's fine for be to be alone but not to feel lonely. It sucks!
I wish to have someone to cuddle with right now and talk.......

Boy Love

Happy Thanksgiving for those who celebrate Thanksgiving.

Having a lover is so great......You can kiss whatever you want....

I wonder when will I get a boyfriend :P

Cute Czech Boys

Boring Weekend

This weekend is totally boring. I have nothing to do and just stay home. Wouldn't it be great to have someone to make out with?

Bryan

Hey Bryan,

You can add me to your msn or send me e-mail.


Jon

What kind of guy should I date?

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

What Sign Guy Should You Date?

Thursday fun

I just got home from a mini gathering with three of my other friends.
We had dinner together and then walking around somewhere, we finally stopped at the park and we talked a little bit. And then we played cards til 10.30pm. (11.12 pm now)

The three other friends, I have crush on one of them.
He is just pretty normal but pretty hot too. He plays soccer a lot and we used to be in the same class at form 0ne and then we weren't in the same class til form 4. We did do something nasty together a few times.

Well, I don't mind to tell you what we did, it's just something silly.
One day I was touching his dick with his pants on and I am kind of jerking him at school.
And he was touching my body too.

But he is straight though. It was fun anyway. He was planning to jerk off with me once 3 years ago but we never did it. I think he forgot that alreay.


The mini gathering was fun and it's kinda suck too.
All of them are straight and talking about girls and I have nothing to talk about girls coz I am gay.
They were talking about porns and hot girls and of coz I have no ideas what to say.

But it was cool to see that boy who I have crush on, he is still pretty hot.

Really sleepy

I have been outside for nearly an entire day and now I am very sleepy.



You know I went to Central and I did saw a few hot guys :)



The Detox said I will find a hot Czech boy with me but I didn't. (I wish though)



I was thinking something about the future, eventhough it's not ours to see.
I was thinking when will I have my first boyfriend.
Will I get to University.
What jobs will I get.
Who will be my first gay close friend.
When will I come out to my mother.
Well, toooo much....
I better don't think so much.



Tomorrow I will probably spend the whole day on finisinh homeworks and get extre preparation on school.





I have been also thinking what kind of pictures should I put in my blog. Would it be fine to put naked boys with penis or even sex thing???

Oh YES!

I have been waiting for weekend since Tuesday and it's awesome to be weekend again!
We don't have fall break here so I won't have big holidays until Christmas.

Yesterday I was watching this hot porn from Czech and it was so cool!
I think everyone will jerk off during that video.

Then I found this high quality high school boy on the way home yesterday and it was cool to look at him all the way in the bus. He was just sooooo nice. Probably the best high school boy candy lately!

Today I am gonna go to Central for something and surely I will see a lot of eye candy again!

A cute Czech boy for you guys:

Wednesday

If you remember what I've said last Sunday, I said I might write some more thing today!

Luckily there's not much school things to do today and I can relax a little bit, so I decided I should write something here!

Firstof all this is about my crazy father. He is totally homophobic and guess what he said this time? I was watching a TV program with him and there's an actress's son died and he said it's all becuase that actress's son is gay! F**k that! I really hate how he say this and he had been saying someting like this a lot these days. I hope it doesn't mean that he know about me being gay.

Second, there's are some other good looking teacher in our school which worth to look at except the hot PE teacher. There's this English teacher with a tall slim body and a tight butt! Totally nice to look at!! I found that a few young male teacher got a nice butt :P

Next, someone sent me e-mail asking about my jerk off habit since I put a awkward title for one of the previous entries, I am still thinking what should I say. Since I have started to look at gay related thing in internet 4/ 5 years ago, I found some nice articles about how to masturbate with fun and I have tried some of the thing mentioned in the article and that was soooooo fun, such as the banana thing.

Oh, we always say that when you sneeze, it means that someone is talking about you. Sometimes I sneeze a lot in day time and I think some of the readers here made some comment about me and the blog and that's why I sneezed LOL

I think it's pretty much what I wanna say tonight..

Here's a good pic for you:

Umm, I think they should just walk naked.

Sexy Names

This is probably gonna be my last post until Wednesday. I just wanna share some of my silly opinions and if you guys have any comments, you better leave a note here!

Sexy Names:

Matt, Nathan, Theo, Kevin, Zack, Zac, Zach, Pierre, Laurent (in French), Cedric (French as well), Sean, Vincent.

I can only think of a few right now.
Any comments?

: I should sleep soon....

Jeez!

Jeez! My room is like hell so I spent a lot of time this morning just to tidy up my room and now it's better!

I am gonna go to have lunch with some relatives soon and it will take about 2 hours at least.....

Then I will probably have to spend all my time on homeworks. =[

Well, this is what Tennis Boy do on me!



Except we are both with clothes and he won't kiss me :P

PS. Just an example, at least I was not naked and it was in high school hallway, and he won't kiss me.

By the way, I wish my boyfriend will do this when I got one!

Horny

The best thing to do when you're horny??

I should not drink too much coffee

Today I got up at around 8 and then I took a shower and get ready to a seminar.
It's kind of boring and I don't know why I decided to go there.
I drank a cup of tea and then after the tea break at the seminar, I drank two more cups of coffee.
The coffee I chose was Mocha and I poured some skim milk with it. I like that a lot.

Then.....a few hours later, I got a headache...... it sucks.


That's all for today til now!

RE: Pierrot , Merci Beaucoup!

Gay Rape

Eventhough I said I'm gonna sleep soon, but I feel like I should have one more entry before I sleep. I don't think I have name this entry correct but I should just continuing this story. This is happened during my high school exchange year in the midwest.

There was this jock guy from the tennis team and I don't really know him (let's call him tennis boy) . He started to kick me in the hall way at the beginning of the school year and I have no ideas who that was at first. Then one day we had this activity from somewhere and we teamed together with another 4 kids for a game. Tennis boy started to do something awkward to me such as kicking my back with his back and something like his. He also keep doing silly thing at school as well. I don't know why he is so annoying.

In the last 3 months of the exchange year, Tennis boy always call my name in hallway with no reasons. One day, he saw me going to the drinking fountain for some water and he stopped next by me, when I finished drinking water, he suddenly hugged me from the back and it is kind of embrassing. And guess what Tennis boy said?
He said I am "the person of love" and keep saying something even make me more embarassed. My host sister also saw how embarrassed in the hallway.

I actually kind of like how tennis boy hugged me from the back but it just happened to be at the high school hallway and I am closeted. Tennis boy is cute but he is not gay coz he go to this crazy Baptist church. If the boy who hug me is someone I love, it would be even better.

Hey, I wanna masturbate!

Well, this week is so far so good. I just wanna sleep more tonight and not being so tired this weekend.

I have to go to somewhere tomorrow (Saturday) morning so I'd better sleep soon.

Hmmm, I think the tittle of this entry might surprise you huh?

I do want to masturbate but it postively do not mean I am going it now and planning to do it anyway :P

Do you remember I've mentioned some classmates of mine?

Do you remember the one who talked about my leg's kinda hariy? (RE: Christian, I can't tell you how hairy my legs are but I think it's kind of cool)

That boy is kind of strange to me, he always ask me something and talking something about me and I feel totally weird with it. He asked me a lot of things about me such as where I live and all the stuffs and I know he didn't ask these kind of thing in front of other classmates. He also ask me about if I had found some hot chicks in the US. I don't know if that means he is interested in me (on the other hand he is not bad).

But I don't think he is gay, although I think he had kept an eye on the jocks who sit after me.

I am glad that there's more new readers in the past 10 days.

Comments are always welcome and I am happy to chat with you guys.

Gotta sleep soon. (maybe masturbate in dreams??)

PS. Detox, I am to lazy to look for other pics :P

It's very windy here, even more than in Chicago!
And I should keep on my school works!!!!!!

Damn Tired Now

I just got home from Shenzhen and I am damn tired now.

It was fun though.

I got some cool things to show you guys!

Hope to show you guys soon! :)